WOW, as you may have guessed from the title, my last day or so has not gone real well. A few weeks ago my sister moved out of her husbands house, and took their 9 month old son with her. In the time since then, I had come to accept that they were going to get a divorce.
However, yesterday, God smacked me right in the face about it. He reminded me that even when divorce is the right decision, He still hates it. He convicted me, in as much as, if I wasn't praying against a divorce, then I was rooting for one...there is no middle ground with God. I had just accepted that Beck was going to grow up without his dad, and that my sister would be a single mom. Neither of those is God's plan, but like I said, it isn't necessarily the wrong decision either.
How could I be so blind to not only think that divorce was eminent, but to think that it was what God preferred in this situation...what an idiot I was being. It is true that I am the chief of sinners, and have no room to judge anyone else for anything they do.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The next step...
Well, after a year of stepping back an evaluating what God has called me to do, I am entering back into more in depth ministry. Of course, I could never take a year off without doing ANYTHING, but I didn't play music, I didn't preach, I didn't teach a class of any kind, and I am not on the leadership team. These things will, once again, begin to incorporate back into my life slowly. I feel like God has called me in a direction that I may never have gone without this time away. I got so focused on music that I just figured that was what God had called me to for the rest of my life. However, after this year, I have decided that someday, I want to be a senior pastor. Of course, my ideal situation would be to go on staff somewhere as an associate just so I can get used to the everyday aspects of full-time ministry. I have SOOO much to learn. I spent the better part of 15 years learning music ministry, and being a worship leader...so I have a lot of ground to make up in the administrative and pastoring side of things. I am fortunate, however, to have, in my opinion, the best pastor in the country to learn from - my dad. He may not be the prolific speaker that some pastors are, but he is twice the shepherd of any pastor I have ever seen. I am praying, daily, for God to give me the same kind of love for people that he has...it is something that can only genuinely happen supernaturally.
I can see times where I feel more that way, but it certainly has not become a way of life for me yet. I do like people, and I a pretty social person, but I am still learning, and developing, a genuine love for all people...going beyond my circle of friends. I think part of that is going to mean me coming out of my shell, and putting myself out there a little more. I have decided that I will not set any dates for my ministry...when the doors open, I will look, and pray, and eventually decide if it is God opening the door for me, or if it's just an open door. I am lucky enough to have a job that I love, so I am in no hurry to quit to jump at any open door. I am trying to get into my reading and preparation that way, but right now, text books are consuming all of my reading time. I hope that I will have more chance - and desire - to read this summer, and be able to crank out a few books during that time.
So, until next time...
I can see times where I feel more that way, but it certainly has not become a way of life for me yet. I do like people, and I a pretty social person, but I am still learning, and developing, a genuine love for all people...going beyond my circle of friends. I think part of that is going to mean me coming out of my shell, and putting myself out there a little more. I have decided that I will not set any dates for my ministry...when the doors open, I will look, and pray, and eventually decide if it is God opening the door for me, or if it's just an open door. I am lucky enough to have a job that I love, so I am in no hurry to quit to jump at any open door. I am trying to get into my reading and preparation that way, but right now, text books are consuming all of my reading time. I hope that I will have more chance - and desire - to read this summer, and be able to crank out a few books during that time.
So, until next time...
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Stuff and Things
Well, everything has been going pretty well in my life. There are certainly some things that absolutely suck, but in order to protect those that I love, I can't really go into that right now. Crystal is just under 6 weeks away from having our baby girl - Tatum. We are so excited, and so very unprepared. I have considerable work to do on the nursery. We have really tossed around the idea of moving again, but every time we look around, we find that we are in a truly blessed situation. If we try to find cheaper, the house is trashed, and no yard. If we decided to look for a 4-bedroom, everything jumps about $400 more than we pay now. So, we are probably here until we decide to buy something.
We are starting to ramp up toward summer too...of course, that gets harder when we get 2 inches of snow on April 8th!!! Alright already, we get the point, just give us summer.
School is going well...though it is only the beginning of the second week of this term. I am a little nervous about my architectural class this term, but my other class should go pretty well I think. On the upside, I didn't have to buy any books this term - so that helps financially.
Oh, speaking of school, I found out that I am getting $6000 next year in grant money. Of course, because I am only a 1/2 time student, I will only see 1/2 of that, but $3000 should still cover all my costs - including texts and fees. I think my average term this time around came to about $700 or $800 after all my costs. So, I may even get a refund. Next year we will have another baby, so my adjusted gross income should be less, which will get us more in federal aid. I'm not exactly sure how my classes are going to work starting next year. They have talked a lot about changing some of the classes around. Adding a class, and removing another maybe. Fortunately, the only they are talking about removing, I haven't taken yet, and the one they would most likely add is a lot better for me.
Church is going well. I think I am going to start playing on the worship team again next month. I can't believe it's already been over a year since I played for worship. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I won't be leading worship for a while - if i ever get back into it that deep. I really want to start focusing more on people, and assimilation into ministry. It's weird, because my heart and mind want to do that, but my skill set is nowhere close to be able to do it. i have focused so much of my life toward music that the other things have suffered. Not to mention, I am not really a 'people person', but I am praying that God will change that.
We are starting to ramp up toward summer too...of course, that gets harder when we get 2 inches of snow on April 8th!!! Alright already, we get the point, just give us summer.
School is going well...though it is only the beginning of the second week of this term. I am a little nervous about my architectural class this term, but my other class should go pretty well I think. On the upside, I didn't have to buy any books this term - so that helps financially.
Oh, speaking of school, I found out that I am getting $6000 next year in grant money. Of course, because I am only a 1/2 time student, I will only see 1/2 of that, but $3000 should still cover all my costs - including texts and fees. I think my average term this time around came to about $700 or $800 after all my costs. So, I may even get a refund. Next year we will have another baby, so my adjusted gross income should be less, which will get us more in federal aid. I'm not exactly sure how my classes are going to work starting next year. They have talked a lot about changing some of the classes around. Adding a class, and removing another maybe. Fortunately, the only they are talking about removing, I haven't taken yet, and the one they would most likely add is a lot better for me.
Church is going well. I think I am going to start playing on the worship team again next month. I can't believe it's already been over a year since I played for worship. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I won't be leading worship for a while - if i ever get back into it that deep. I really want to start focusing more on people, and assimilation into ministry. It's weird, because my heart and mind want to do that, but my skill set is nowhere close to be able to do it. i have focused so much of my life toward music that the other things have suffered. Not to mention, I am not really a 'people person', but I am praying that God will change that.
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